How to Break up with Someone you Love
Breaking up with someone you love involves two life situations – breakup and love. The two words are oxymorons in nature and they unusually go together when the needs arise.
A breakup involves a painful process, and stress can sometimes make you ask if it worth it to do so. The memories you created and the bond you had formed together in the relationship made it difficult to quickly opt for a breakup.
However, if the situation calls for it, there is no way you can help the situation except breakup. Are you the dumpee or the dumper? Whichever you are, one thing is certain – breaking up with someone you love is a bad experience that is directly connected to the feelings of the victims. The only difference between the dumpee and the dumper is that the latter decide how things unfold by breaking the silence.
While there is no formula for breaking up with your love, there are things expected of you to handle the difficult conversation with your partner. There are steps you need to take for a successful relationship break up.
Above all, three things are important to keep in mind – honesty, pains, and closure. Moving Feedback will be showing you how to approach this issue in a well-matured way. The first thing is that there must be a reason to take this serious step. Naturally, human beings would not want to cause pain for someone they love; hence, breaking up is a life-threatening situation.
Once it is eminent, many people can misbehave if they don’t know how to go about it. If you are considering breaking up with someone you love, this post will be of help to you. Proceed to discover more.
In this article
How to Know When to Break up
According to a relationship expert, “the end comes as soon as you begin to think about how you started the journey.” From the beginning, you may not plan to end it soon, but once things started cropping up, many people are in a dilemma of when to say “enough is enough.”
But the truth is that it gets to a time when you may either be a dumpee or a dumper. But the question is – how can one know when it is time to end it?
Another relationship expert, Dr. Walsh says “it is time when you start to wonder if you should break up or exit the relationship.” It indicates that the issue is beyond fixing; hence, it is time.
By the time you have tried all possible means including professional guidance, open communication, and other efforts to fix your relationship issues and you see that there is no light at the end of the tunnel; the next thing is to break up.
Remember, it is necessary to have tried all those settlement methods before you finally opt for option B – break up. In a situation where you observe that your values, mindsets, and life goals are no more matching up and you can no more endure it or sacrifice your happiness again, it is a telltale sign to end it.
In another scenario, you just stop feeling the same love like before, and you are not truthful about it, just know that the end has come. Basically, one may not have to establish the fact for his or her decision to break up with someone.
There are some cases where two people were good as friends but not as a life partner. If they were eventually blindfolded and married, the relationship might not last. However, each person should know when to break up, because you owe yourself your happiness, values, comfort, and much more.
Steps to Breaking up with Someone you Love
Moving out of your spouse’s house is not the first step to approach this vital issue. There are have been some cases where the partner did not inform his or her spouse, but just call a local moving company and pack his or her house and move away from the partner.
No! This is not the way to go about it. Breaking up shouldn’t be always violent. If you had exhausted all possible means to resolve your differences with your partner and have given up all possibility of staying together happily, and you are ready to take the bold step of saying goodbye despite your love for him, below are some steps to take to break up with your love in matured ways:
1. Document your Reasons
You have your reasons for accepting him or her into your life in the first place; hence, there should be one or two reasons for leaving your relationship. Change is inevitable especially if it involves your happiness and values.
Everyone loves to look at the glittering side of everything or action. If your actions or change will bring peace of mind, make you better, and add value to your live more than your present condition, it is a good reason to change.
Sometimes, this may sound funny, but listing the reasons for taking the step gives you the strength to make a move and prevent any condemnation in your heart.
So, first, see the reason to break up with someone you love before finally start the process. What is/are your reason(s) you want to leave him or her? Write them out and analyze them one after the other to see if it worth it to break up with him or her.
2. Fall out of Love
Now, you have reason or reasons to back up your decision. The next step is to fall out of love in your mind. Some people sometimes falling out of love physically but not mentally – you can’t eat your cake and have it.
If you are serious about putting an end to the entire thing, fall out of love the same way you fell in love with him or her at the initial stage. It may be difficult to put an end to the relationship if you keep imagining those old moments when things were still perfect. If you are keen on breaking up with your love, avoid those thoughts.
At this time, you are expected to focus on those things you passed through, the frustrations, the maltreatment, and any other negative moments you can remember that want to force you out of the relationship. This will get your mind off the union completely, so you can move forward.
3. Physically Break the Jinx with these Words – “We need to Talk”
Enough is enough, call your partner and approach him or her with this four-letter word – “we need to talk.” The words may look simple, but they are usually used together with this way when there is something serious to discuss.
Once you use them this way, your partner would have known you are serious about what you want to discuss. The sentence signifies that something serious is looming and makes the work a little bit less difficult for you.
At this stage, you don’t need to dwell much on the subject matter but let him or her know that you want to discuss the relationship. Choose an ideal venue for this, to make it more serious.
It can be a neutral place such as a restaurant, coffee shop or even at your place. This is not an issue to discuss on the phone, make it one on one.
4. Be Kind, But Strict about the Discussion
Here is the real talk. Remember, breaking up is neither a sweet experience nor something one hopes for, but a painful situation one must get into when the time comes. This is not only for the dumper but also for the dumpee.
Come out straight and tell your partner you don’t like the way things are going in the relationship and you had thought about it very well. Frankly tell him or her you don’t think you can continue with the relationship.
However, be respectful and kind as you are pointing out how you have been coping with insults, abuse, maltreatment, and other negative things as listed in the second point above.
Ensure you explain how you feel by going into detail about all the reasons behind your decision. This is not the time to start picking faults. Raise all the issues that need to be raised to make him feel guilty about his or her attitudes towards you.
You are not only doing this for yourself but also helping him to adjust in his or her next relationship. What else do you need to do? Proceed to the next point.
5. Be Strict about Keeping Distance
After pouring your mind out to him or her, it is time to walk away. However, this does not necessarily need to be in a violent way. Though the meeting is not meant for you to listen to an explanation from your partner since you have made up your mind to break up with him or her, saying the final goodbye is not forbidden.
If he or she requested a hug, it is not bad; give him the final one but not emotionally. From now henceforth, ensure you keep your distance from him. Don’t fall victim to the last visit or last sex. A kiss can lead to something else if care is not taken.
It is expected before now; that you should have removed all your things in his or her house. This will prevent any further visits to him. Goodbye to your relationship.
6. Looking Forward
Now, you are free from oppression, frustration, unhappiness, continuous weeping, and all such. After break up, it is time to think about those things you are free to do, to have, and to enjoy.
Make yourself happy by going after things that activate happy vibes. Settle down before entering any relationship for now. Take your time and enjoy the freedom.
Moving out after a Breakup
Breaking up with someone you love is tough and can be emotional at the same time, irrespective of the living situation. Coping moving with a break up from someone you love can even be harder.
Moving during a breakup involves many steps because it is assumed that you were sharing things together with your ex and separation can be highly stressful and may involve legal action to prevent another violence.
For example, if you bought a car as a couple, how can you share the car when you break up? It is not possible; hence, it makes things more difficult when moving out for break up. One of our posts had discussed an in-depth issue.
You can read our post on Comprehensive Moving Checklist Divorce.
How to get over your Breakup
Breakups aren’t easy or fun. They are characterized by sadness, uncomfortable, anxiety-inducing experience, yet, they are unavoidable. Once, it happens, you need to get over it as quickly as possible. Everyone understands a lot of things usually come out of the whole process, but don’t forget you are doing it to better yourself and add value to your entire life. Now is the time to explore a new lifestyle, plan, and have quality time with friends and family for a new beginning. At this time, it is essential to be around your loved ones that can be of help in encouraging you to keep going. Keep your mind off your past and face your work if you have one. If you don’t, ensure you are occupied with one activity or the other to prevent thinking about your ex.
In the case it suddenly came upon you, and you discover you are missing your ex, don’t make the mistake of texting or calling him or her. It is not a good idea at this stage, as you had already broken up with him or her.
It is good to break up a relationship peacefully and gracefully. Though it is hurt and difficult, break up is better for both parties to live happily individually than being together sadly as a couple. This post has discussed the steps required to break up with someone you love, it is vital to know that breakups involve three main things namely; honesty to face the situation, painful exit, and recovery from the bad experience to form a new life. However, if in the process of executing the above steps, you discovered your things change and started working out between the two of you, you may wish to give it a second thought and give your partner a second chance. Breakup is never a good idea as you have to start all over again. But if it is the last solution to your case, there is nothing you can do other than opting for it. Live a fulfilled life. Stay tuned for more informative posts from your post!